By the way, that title comes from the song "Finding Me" by Vertical Horizon.
Reader, I just got done eating a plate full of Eggo chocolate chip waffles. It reminded me of childhood and also of those times when my mom would dig out the actual waffle maker and make them from scratch. That's been the entire week for me--throwbacks to childhood. I drank 7up and ate popsicles yesterday.
I've spent the last few days struggling about what to write for this post. Sure I could talk about what it feels like to be going back to campus in two days, but I won't. The only thing I'll say is this: If last year felt like a timid dipping in of the toes into college life, then this year feels like a running plunge, complete with student activism and new opportunities. Oh, and the water doesn't even feel cold. Instead, I'm going to talk about something else and something probably more broad.
Today marks the 3rd anniversary of the death of my aunt Mary, and I will always be thankful for her influence on my life, which shows itself now more than ever. That's true with all the aunts on my dad's side. I see distinct aspects of myself in each of them as I get older, but it comes not from intentional shaping on their part...
I don't exactly know how to phrase everything, but everyone needs the freedom to find their own way--that's not to undervalue good, strong guidance and influence, but that guidance should open doors to all sorts of life experiences instead of closing some off. Maybe I'm naive in thinking that if people are not forced down a certain path and instead are left to their own devices, they will naturally gravitate towards choices that lead to their own brand of a happy and fulfilling life.
I'm glad I feel like the latter is becoming more and more my reality. Certain influences are causing me to pursue happiness in my own way, not because they're consciously trying to, but because they're leading or have led by wonderful example and a sort of hands off approach. You don't have to tell someone who to be, you just have to be someone they admire to make a difference in their life.
All of it has reinforced the idea in me that I'm going to be just fine if I'm allowed to live at my own pace and make my own decisions.
Peace, be well, be epic, and I'll probably be back to campus the next time you hear from me.
-Megan
Showing posts with label happiness. Show all posts
Showing posts with label happiness. Show all posts
Thursday, August 23, 2012
Sunday, April 15, 2012
End of the Road
Hello Reader,
May your Sunday be lazy, but not rainy as mine seems to be. I can hear the constant dripping of water outside my window and perhaps needless to say... I'm keeping the curtain closed.
My college is wrapping up their presentation of Camino Real by Tennessee Williams with their final performance today. Camino Real means "end of the road" and that's precisely where we, mostly I, find myself today.
The academic year is almost over. I'll have to commence a furious search for full-time employment within the next couple weeks. I'll have to pack up my life and leave my new home to go back to a place that now feels less like home and more like a vacation destination. Lovely to be at, and comfortable to be sure, but no where I really want to live...
One can approach this end of the road with celebration, fear, cautious optimism, melancholic moping--the kind that makes you lapse into thunderous applause and numerous pats on the back when you realize you had the guts to drag your sorry butt out of bed--or they can approach it with all of those reactions previously listed, as I seem to have been doing in a vicious cycle over the last week or so.
The fact remains... this is it. This is the curtain call on this particular play, this particular year in my (mostly epic) life, but good thing there is ample evidence of its existence. Good thing our year has been documented, both digitally, and with not so carefully written letters, almost too numerous to count. There's the facebook statuses, the tweets, the tumblr posts, the BLOGS--100 posts now on Dorm Room 718, and of course, our memories that we shouldn't necessarily discount. Oh, and the folded ticket stubs carefully tucked away in my wallet. This roller coaster has left its mark quite visibly on a number of mediums, including human hearts.
Was it good? Bad? Horrible? EPIC?! Hindsight will be 20/20, but it's been all of it.
Now this isn't the last post of the school year by any means, but know that it's winding down, speeding up, and doing everything in between.
Let's resolve to let the epicness continue.
-Megan
May your Sunday be lazy, but not rainy as mine seems to be. I can hear the constant dripping of water outside my window and perhaps needless to say... I'm keeping the curtain closed.
My college is wrapping up their presentation of Camino Real by Tennessee Williams with their final performance today. Camino Real means "end of the road" and that's precisely where we, mostly I, find myself today.
The academic year is almost over. I'll have to commence a furious search for full-time employment within the next couple weeks. I'll have to pack up my life and leave my new home to go back to a place that now feels less like home and more like a vacation destination. Lovely to be at, and comfortable to be sure, but no where I really want to live...
One can approach this end of the road with celebration, fear, cautious optimism, melancholic moping--the kind that makes you lapse into thunderous applause and numerous pats on the back when you realize you had the guts to drag your sorry butt out of bed--or they can approach it with all of those reactions previously listed, as I seem to have been doing in a vicious cycle over the last week or so.
The fact remains... this is it. This is the curtain call on this particular play, this particular year in my (mostly epic) life, but good thing there is ample evidence of its existence. Good thing our year has been documented, both digitally, and with not so carefully written letters, almost too numerous to count. There's the facebook statuses, the tweets, the tumblr posts, the BLOGS--100 posts now on Dorm Room 718, and of course, our memories that we shouldn't necessarily discount. Oh, and the folded ticket stubs carefully tucked away in my wallet. This roller coaster has left its mark quite visibly on a number of mediums, including human hearts.
Was it good? Bad? Horrible? EPIC?! Hindsight will be 20/20, but it's been all of it.
Now this isn't the last post of the school year by any means, but know that it's winding down, speeding up, and doing everything in between.
Let's resolve to let the epicness continue.
-Megan
Friday, March 30, 2012
It's Getting Better
Hey Reader, my laptop is currently in St. Paul! I should have it back on Monday which is super epic in itself.
So let me tell you about this morning. This morning was gross, dreary, and a little cold. I wore a jacket to breakfast. We've had a long string of rainy, cold, gloomy days so I wasn't expecting anything different, but by the time it was my first class, the sun came out and it wasn't so bad--even a little bit warm. I didn't wear my jacket the rest of the day, and I even made it a point to be outside. Heck, I looked around and campus is looking GREEN again. So the bad morning turned into a good day.
Change happens. Shifts happen. Unfortunately things shift in both directions, but have faith that they will shift back. Take time to notice the good changes going on around you. I am floored by how difficult and how easy life can feel at times. I can honestly say this has been the most challenging, most stressful year I've ever had. I can list off 8 or more major events right off the top of my head that have happened this year, less than half of which are positive, but right now, things have smoothed out a little. I finally feel like I'm having more good days than bad days, and I cannot say for certain that they'll last, but I am enjoying them while they're here. I'm slowly working on changing my patterns and behaviors and even my inner monologue has shifted to a more positive focus.
Life isn't all about you, do you realize this? We are all connected in various networks, webs, and social circles and whenever something changes, everyone's affected in some way. Whenever I ask someone else for help I always feel guilty because I try not to be that person, I always try to be independent because somewhere along the way, I got it into my head that I'm supposed to support people and not the other way around. Still, I am beginning to realize that you cannot help someone else until you find yourself in a good place. You need stable ground beneath your own feet before you can support someone else and I think I'm getting there. I know I'm getting there.
Life shifts, for better and for worse. Sometimes it will come naturally, and sometimes you have to bring it about yourself, but it will shift. My friend, Melissa, gave me a sticker for the Human Rights Campaign earlier in the year which I put it on my laptop, but removed shortly before I sent my computer in for repairs. On a whim, I decided to buy some more from the HRC website in case I couldn't save the one I had. They came in the mail today, and as I was walking back to my dorm, I was thinking about the campaign and the marriage equality and GSM (Gender and Sexual Minority, a new term I picked up at MBLGTACC) movements. I realized that even though things can feel difficult and rough on a personal level, progress is still being made. We have made so much progress in such a short time and it will continue to get better. My private, religious college even filmed their "It Gets Better" video this week and we're getting some final shots in on Wednesday. Life is shifting, and life will shift. It's getting better in a lot of ways and for a lot of different reasons--take the time to look around and notice. If you feel like it isn't, then do something about it.
Be well,
-Megan
So let me tell you about this morning. This morning was gross, dreary, and a little cold. I wore a jacket to breakfast. We've had a long string of rainy, cold, gloomy days so I wasn't expecting anything different, but by the time it was my first class, the sun came out and it wasn't so bad--even a little bit warm. I didn't wear my jacket the rest of the day, and I even made it a point to be outside. Heck, I looked around and campus is looking GREEN again. So the bad morning turned into a good day.
Change happens. Shifts happen. Unfortunately things shift in both directions, but have faith that they will shift back. Take time to notice the good changes going on around you. I am floored by how difficult and how easy life can feel at times. I can honestly say this has been the most challenging, most stressful year I've ever had. I can list off 8 or more major events right off the top of my head that have happened this year, less than half of which are positive, but right now, things have smoothed out a little. I finally feel like I'm having more good days than bad days, and I cannot say for certain that they'll last, but I am enjoying them while they're here. I'm slowly working on changing my patterns and behaviors and even my inner monologue has shifted to a more positive focus.
Life isn't all about you, do you realize this? We are all connected in various networks, webs, and social circles and whenever something changes, everyone's affected in some way. Whenever I ask someone else for help I always feel guilty because I try not to be that person, I always try to be independent because somewhere along the way, I got it into my head that I'm supposed to support people and not the other way around. Still, I am beginning to realize that you cannot help someone else until you find yourself in a good place. You need stable ground beneath your own feet before you can support someone else and I think I'm getting there. I know I'm getting there.
Life shifts, for better and for worse. Sometimes it will come naturally, and sometimes you have to bring it about yourself, but it will shift. My friend, Melissa, gave me a sticker for the Human Rights Campaign earlier in the year which I put it on my laptop, but removed shortly before I sent my computer in for repairs. On a whim, I decided to buy some more from the HRC website in case I couldn't save the one I had. They came in the mail today, and as I was walking back to my dorm, I was thinking about the campaign and the marriage equality and GSM (Gender and Sexual Minority, a new term I picked up at MBLGTACC) movements. I realized that even though things can feel difficult and rough on a personal level, progress is still being made. We have made so much progress in such a short time and it will continue to get better. My private, religious college even filmed their "It Gets Better" video this week and we're getting some final shots in on Wednesday. Life is shifting, and life will shift. It's getting better in a lot of ways and for a lot of different reasons--take the time to look around and notice. If you feel like it isn't, then do something about it.
Be well,
-Megan
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