The More The Merrier

The process of self-discovery is ongoing and lifelong. I'm still learning to recognize what situations I like best and what fully makes me tick.

I don't know why or what it was, but for most of the last 2.5 years or so, I stuck very exclusively with very few people. Maybe I thought I wasn't capable of becoming emotionally intimate with more than a few people, or maybe I thought that's how social lives are supposed to look. Regardless, hindsight is 20/20 and now I'm fully aware that that social setup isn't what makes me happiest.

See, I'm kind of a social butterfly, and by that I mean I am extroverted to the extreme. When I was younger, I would seek to be around groups of people in an effort to pull myself out of my own head. Maybe I learned to love being around groups of people, or maybe it was how I've always been, but now that I'm older, I seek people and groups because I love to talk and laugh and tell stories, and quite honestly, I do get bored of binge watching Netflix. I feel very comfortable with new people, and with large groups.

So when my 22nd birthday was coming up, I knew I wanted to gather as many of my friends in one room as possible. Along with the help of my roommates, we threw a party at Applebee's and close to 30 friends showed up. Quite a few faces couldn't make it, which was sad, but overall it was a beautiful night, filled with hugs and love and joy. Here's a few photos:

                                                             One end of the table:

A few of my amazing coworkers:         

                                                                                                            

And general shenanigans:

Yes, sometimes I overextend myself with all that extraversion and then I need to pull back and get in some hardcore alone time, but hanging out with lots of different people, either apart, or in the same room, is my ultimate happy place. It's where I feel most comfortable and most like myself.

What took me so long to finally realize that's how I wanted to live that particular aspect of my life? Who knows. But I know I have a better idea and a lot more experiences to draw from, and I'm working on fostering a lot of connections that I had written off or neglected. 

I'm an open book, and I'm thankful I'm surrounded by so many incredible people who have cared enough to flip through those pages with me. 

Be patient, loving, and kind. Until next time,

-Megan

The Experience

I read somewhere recently that you should spend money on experiences, not material goods. Well, today I tried.

See, a while back, I did what every poor college kid does, and bought the cheapest stuff I could find at the grocery store. I bought corn tortillas, which ended up being a baaad decision really. What can you do with corn tortillas? They're dry, flaky, and mostly flavorless. Anyways, after a few failed food attempts, I decided I would worry about them later and just focus on my crazy week. So the weekend rolls around, and my mind drifts back to those tortillas...

I started researching recipes, finally landing on taquitos. It felt like a perfect opportunity to cook for the house--and an opportunity to try out a new recipe after my brilliant success with Thai peanut sauce the other day. Because I'm cheap, I decided to go with the corn and black bean recipe and forego the chicken. I already had black beans, so voila! I was in business.

Well, I had to go grocery shopping to pick up some extra stuff: corn, cilantro, garlic, onion, cheese, and guacamole. I also bought a dessert because why not? Family dinner deserves a dessert. I splurged a bit. Anyways, my roommate Alicia and I started our marathon in the kitchen, chopping the onion, garlic, and cilantro. prepping the corn and beans, sweating the garlic and onion, etc. Well, we get to the step in which we had to roll the taquitos and my tortillas just are not cooperating. No matter how hard we tried, they wouldn't hydrate or would just pathetically split. I googled technique after technique and didn't have any luck. Laid out in the pan, they were kinda hideous. Here I had spent all this time and money to try to make a nice dinner and I thought it would be ruined by a bunch of stupid tortillas.

During the prep, I kind of taught Alicia how to dice onions and prep garlic for the first time. We had a lot of good laughs at being domestic. And when I started freaking out, Alicia simply told me that we still had dessert and that McDonald's was just down the street. She even insisted on setting the table, lighting a candle, and putting up the flowers that Katelyn brought home from work. It was a full blown family dinner.

So the taquitos come out of the oven, and while some of them looked a bit rough, they tasted pretty dang good. We also had salsa, sour cream, and guac which helped. After serving after serving of taquitos and a strawberry cheese danish, we agreed that it had all worked out. Not to mention the sheer hilarity of the things that are said when you sit us all down together at one table. Afterwards, Alicia and I cleaned up and did all the dishes, all while joking that perhaps we would not completely fail in being able to complete domestic tasks in our future.

Hell yeah I splurged. Hell yeah it was nerve wracking to think that dinner would fail. And hell yeah it was an awesome experience. To be entirely honest, tonight was one of the best days of my summer so far. Forget my frustrating morning at work, the exhaustion, the tough week ahead. Today I watched a lot of soccer, drank a lot of tea, and spent a lot of time over onions, a hot stove, and a hotter oven.

The experiences are what we want. It's not necessarily the food, but the people you share it with that make a perfect meal. It's not the movie, but the people you get to lean into during the scary parts. It's not the financial cost of taking a trip to Scotland, or moving to Seattle, it's the thrill, the sights, the sounds, the adrenaline, the feeling you get when you hold up that pair of hiking boots that took you 98 miles across the West Highland Way along Loch Lomond.

Spend money on the experiences? don't mind if I do.

Be well. Share your happiness. Live the epic life.

-Megan

How to be surprised!

This is a copy of my most recent post on Dorm Room 718.

1. Believe everything people tell you.  There's no way they're not telling you the whole truth.
2. Underestimate your friends.
3. Underestimate your parents.
4. Refrain from texting people because you don't want to impose.  It will give them time to drive to your town.
5. Tell everyone where you're going and the exact time you leave.  It will give them time to call your parents.

In case you didn't hear--but you probably did--I had quite the birthday.  First things first, birthdays are not a big thing in my family.  You get a cake if you're lucky.  We'll take you out to your favorite restaurant eventually, but they've never been super celebrated.  For the record, it's not that we never celebrate, we just do it when it's convenient.  I've always celebrated my birthday on July 3rd when my family gets together because the church and town throws a party. Three of us grandkids have birthdays in July so it's nice and convenient.  Plus there's a fireworks show.  Sometimes I'll have a bonfire in late July or early August if I'm feeling motivated.

I did not expect anything different this year.  I really didn't.  Every time Nicole would mention my birthday, I told her I wasn't planning anything.  She would always get upset and the conversation would end with something like:

Nicole:  You're so frustrating.  You're driving me crazy.
Me: I'm sorry, I told you I might do something in August.

So the night before my birthday, I was feeling a little weird about turning 20.  It's a scary number, especially when you feel like you should be taller or just feel older. I was talking to Nicole when Melissa asked me to come over and watch a movie. I asked Nicole if I should go and she told me I should. Mind you, this was 11:45 at night. I knew Nicole had something to do with it, I thought she put Melissa up to it. I decided to go to get my mind off things and when I walked downstairs, there was a figure in a hoodie just chilling on the couch.  I thought it was Melissa's sister, until the figure started laughing.  Helloooo Nicole. Surprise #1.  At that point I thought that was the extent of the surprise.  I had no reason to believe anything else.  I was in complete and utter shock.  For weeks I had heard her griping about how she was working that weekend. I smiled for the rest of the night--until I went to bed at 4 am.

Melissa and Nicole wanted to take me out for lunch the next day, but I declined, saying I had a grad party to go to. Nicole told me the grad party started at 2...at which point I knew this was a lot deeper than I thought and that my parents knew about this. Surprise #2.  So they took me out to lunch the next day and we made plans to hook up with Melissa after she got off work at 9. Meanwhile, Nicole and I headed to that grad party.  After that, we went to my place, rented a movie, and I started to wind down for what I thought would be a relaxing night.  I decided to check the mail, at which point Nicole told me she told people to write letters to me.  Surprise #3.

We took some time to chill before watching the film when all of a sudden my doorbell rang.  Nicole ran to go get it and at THAT point, I knew I was in for much, much more. Surprise #4.  My friends started showing up and I was treated to my first ever surprise party, which included having packing peanuts poured on me multiple times and one heck of a cake. My parents knew about everything.  Everything.

I had no reason to suspect anything. No one made me suspect anything and even if there were hints, I never picked up on them.  Nicole has never been dishonest and this has dealt a serious blow to my trust! :P  Maybe this is what I get for befriending people with acting experience?  After reluctantly kicking people out because we both had horribly early mornings, we went to bed.  As I was practically in tears out of pure happiness and awe that someone had put in so much time and effort to throw me a party, Nicole said, "I told you, I just like birthdays." Go figure.

And that is how to let someone surprise you.  Needless to say, Melissa and Nicole turned turning 20 into an event I won't soon forget.  My life is truly epic.

With love and hugs,

Megan

Grad Parties

I sincerely hope your summer is eventful and you're staying cool in the heat wave.  I hear it's supposed to last all week. Oh well, it's a taste of what the New Orleans trip might be like. ;) Two weeks!  I can't contain myself much longer.

Summertime for us freshman coming back home and for the graduating high school seniors means one thing: Grad parties.  In my area, they last well into July if not all summer.  I hear that's a little bit strange but it's how we do. Last weekend I went to parties for my friends Sabrina, and Taylor.  This weekend I went to the party for my friend Kendra (who is a future Cobber!) and next week I'll go to a party for my cousin,William.

Grad parties are epic for several reasons.  You've got the food, everything from taco bars to pulled pork sandwiches, all sorts of salads, and ice cream!  Oh, and anyone with a chocolate fountain gets some major points from me. Grad parties have been a wonderful opportunity for me to see friends who weren't in my graduating class, and to talk a bit about college and answer any questions. It's been lovely, but coming back and going to all these grad parties has made one thing painfully evident... how much of a difference a year makes.

We, meaning my graduating class and I, are in a completely and totally different phase of life than just a year ago. I don't necessarily believe it's an issue of drifting apart, but everyone is off doing their own thing, living their own lives. I expected to see certain people, and I didn't.  In some ways the grad party ushers in this phase of consciously removing yourself from a group state of mind and basing your decisions on yourself and what you need.

I always say that leaving my hometown for college was one of the best decisions I ever made.  I will always stand by that statement, because I didn't compromise my happiness for ease. To their credit, I believe all my graduating friends have understood the importance of doing what's right for them and have acted accordingly. I'm proud of all of them.  I think the summer before you leave for college is the best and worst possible.  You do whatever you can to have as much fun as possible, but the impending separation is too tangible to ignore.

It may be painful, but it can also be exciting and wonderful at the same time. I guess a lot of changes in life are like that...

Be well, stay cool.
All my love,

Megan

A Good Kind of Pain

Reader, I'm procrastinating on a philosophy take-home final that I've discovered will take me forever.  Not joking.  6 hardcore essay questions worth 50 points each.  It counts for 25% of my class grade.  I wish that was all I had to worry about, but unfortunately I have a Sociology exam and Cognitive Psych final to worry about before I make my journey home on Saturday.

I've been dealing with a bit of pain all day.  I slept fine, and didn't get too bruised up from taking down my loft and putting the bunk back up--no this isn't anything like that.  This is heartache, complete and utter heartache.  With how busy we've been over the last three weeks, there's been no time to simply let the facts sink in. This is all coming to a sudden and abrupt end whether we feel ready for it or not, and believe me, I don't feel ready for it.  At all. Crap... here come the teary eyes.

As much as this hurts, I'm so glad it does.  I sometimes disagree with the old cliché "No pain, no gain" but this is a good pain, such a good pain.  My heart is aching in the most wonderful way because it means I don't want to leave, that I have found a home here.  It means that all of this, and I mean ALL of this feels right.  I ache because of memories, because I won't laugh until I cry nearly as often.  Usually, pain means something is wrong, and in this case it means that something right is coming to an end.  It's perhaps, the absence of what is right.

There are horror stories out there where individuals experience maladaptive pain reception/response and their lives are a constant struggle of self-awareness to figure out if anything is wrong.  Parents of these individuals often say they'd give anything for their child to feel pain.  Like I said, this pain means something good is changing, and that's not to say summer will be bad, but here has become home and leaving home is always so bittersweet...

It's like, do you ever feel like the pieces are starting to fall into place, even if you can't quite tell what the end result will be?  That's how I feel.  I'm practically giddy with the feeling that we're hurling towards something good.  I just don't know what it'll be yet.  All I know is that I get that feeling here.  I've never laughed so hard for so long, nor have I felt such a sense of solidarity and belonging like I do in certain situations being here has allowed me to experience.

As I type this, there's a rabbit sitting 3 feet outside my window... it's munching on the most tender dandelions, but it's chewing well over a mile a minute and often freezes.  I just want it to relax.  I want it to slow down and take a look around and appreciate this moment, to know that it's all going to be okay.  The trees on campus are in full bloom and the scent is breathtaking, literal in more ways than one, but the allergies are totally worth the beauty.

Even though it is finals week and I'm procrastinating on the philosophy final, life is good.  This pain is good.  Ripping apart the web that has formed here is good, because like muscles, these connections only grow stronger by being shredded and allowed to repair.  Time will ease the pain to be sure, but I can't wait for next year. 

Good things come to an end.  Luckily for us this isn't the end, just a long, long rest. 

This song feels like an accurate summary of my life in this very moment, both the joy of returning home to see my one family, both blood related and otherwise, as well as the pain of leaving my family here.  I'll miss them, and you can bet I'll be playing this song in the weeks before school starts up again.  It's also the first song on Concordia's Beat, a CD that features student performers.  Personally the version on the CD is better. :P

Love life, be brave, understand that pain is not forever, nor is it always a bad thing.

-Megan

Circle of Life

Woah Reader,

I'm so sorry for my unexpected and unintentional hiatus.  Life got away from me for a little while, but I'm back.

As mentioned almost ad nauseum on the other blog, Dorm Room 718, we had a blast at MBLGTACC 2012.  That stands for Midwest Bisexual Lesbian Gay Transgender Ally College Conference.  It was absolutely incredible... but we left for Iowa incredibly early.  The sunrise was absolutely breathtaking--it was one of those mornings where the entire sky is cloudy and so the sun reflects off of them in the most brilliant reds, pinks, and purples.  We watched it while listening to the broadway version of The Circle of Life from the Lion King which was epic in itself, but let's get to the big picture.

What's really epic is the sheer fact that I had the opportunity and means to go.  I mean, I had the ability to travel, to be comfortable, to speak and listen to people that I genuinely have come to respect and care about.  We had an epic time and learned a lot.  When we got back, I went home to be with my family which was also epic in its own little way.  Sometimes you have it set in your mind how something is going to be and so you dread an event and unnecessarily stress yourself out about it.  I knew that I was going home under less than ideal circumstances, and I think my friends ultimately had a better handle on the situation as a whole than I did.  They encouraged me to go despite my initial reservations, and it turned out better than I expected it to.  It still sucked based on the circumstances, but there's something to be said about facing something as a family.

It's difficult to admit when you're wrong, but my friends were completely right on this one.  Everything turned out okay and I would have really regretted it had I not gone home.  I'm taking a writing class at the moment and one of the things I'm learning to deal with is the fact that I cannot spot certain flaws within my writing until someone points them out to me.  It's difficult to look at your own writing and your own life objectively, and so having people around you who aren't necessarily as influenced by the emotional nature of a situation is almost crucial to making the right decision sometimes.  My friends were right and I was wrong--this time.

I am blessed to be where I am, to be doing what I'm doing, feeling what I'm feeling, learning what I'm learning, and seeing what I'm seeing.  In spite of anything unfortunate, I am leading an epic life filled with epic people who can sometimes point out my epically flawed personal logic.

Recognize how valuable the people around you are.  Whether either of you see it or not, they're giving you a perspective that's difficult to see by yourself.  Be epic and be well.  Until we meet again,

-Megan

BIG Decisions

Well Reader,

I am currently creating the illusion of being productive by doing this to kill some time before I have my psych class. Ugh. But, today has been better than expected. I am sitting in my peaceful dorm room, possibly making myself a cup of tea, and contemplating how the rest of this Friday the 13th will play out. Rest assured I have tons and tons of work to get done over the weekend... but it's Friday, and we are going to have a good time dang it!

So, today's topic is this: Life changing decisions. In my Sociology class today, we touched on the topic of reciprocity between the individual and their context, in other words, how an individual is incredibly impacted by their society and environment, but also how society and environment can be incredibly influenced by an individual.

Applying this to my own life, I realize that I am in the presence of some people making incredibly epic life changing decisions. I am talking BIG decisions here. These decisions not only affect those making them, but those in contact with them. I mean, life decisions can have both positive and negative outcomes, and sometimes we can't avoid the negative, but we can always choose to see the bright side in adverse circumstances, and there will always always always be a bright side. Have you ever been in close contact with a lot of pessimists? a lot of optimists? Their energy may be annoying at times, but it also spreads. As humans, we tend to assimilate into groups even without trying, and so my point is this:

Optimists tend to have more positive life outcomes, and while they cannot control whether every life changing decision has a positive outcome, they'll probably handle the ones that don't just a little bit better, and so if you surround yourself with optimists, or at the very least, actively see the bright side of things, the ripple effects of other people's decisions will affect you in more positive, or less negative ways respectively.

I am in contact with incredibly epic people making incredibly epic decisions, and we always hear things like "You can't control the cards you're dealt, but you can control how you play them." Well, the people I know are dealt some weird, difficult hands, and yet they are playing them out beautifully. They are taking control and refusing to let society dictate how life ought to be lived, but instead opting to change and influence the circumstances of their own existence. My current existence is pretty standard, but I am in the company of greatness, and I can honestly say I am inspired to take the reigns of my own destiny, even if that's as trivial as deciding what time to set my alarm for.

That's all I got folks. Be excellent. Be epic.

-Megan