Seeing the Big Picture

I woke up to the sound of rain. Soon after, Alicia, one of the housemates, made a pot of amazing coffee and I sat here sipping while watching Game of Thrones.

I talk to Alicia often about when I move away. I'm studying for the GRE every day, and soon I'll kick researching graduate programs into high gear. I've probably mentioned it many times before, but I'll be looking for a program in Seattle, Portland, Denver, or San Francisco. It feels so weird to be in such an amazing place where I am--living in an amazing house, being surrounded by so many loving and supportive people, and loving what I'm studying. This place is truly home, but I know I'll be ready to move on to the next adventure--and I hope that includes a coast, seafood, and good coffee.

See, there's so much more to life than this place and this moment. If there's one big thing that I've been trying to internalize over the last few months, even with everything horrible that's happened, it's that situations change. Sometimes they get worse, and sometimes they get better. My life is now on the upswing and all the pain and sadness I've experienced is only temporary. It's gently fading and giving way to better things. The big picture is that there's more to life than romantic relationships. The big picture is that I have the skills and tools and support to go make it somewhere else. If I keep my nose to the grindstone, meaning I do well on the GRE, do my research, and line all my grad school ducks in a row, there's no reason why I won't be completely fine in Seattle. The big picture is that I'm finally starting to reap the rewards of all the hard work and dedication I've put into the last 7 years of my life.

By nature, I'm a planner. I focus on the future. That's not to say that I'm never affected by the past. Seriously, if I could change the content of my dreams right now, I would say that my life is approaching perfect. But I can still wake up and understand that a dream is a dream and that my reality is perfectly fine. Focusing on the future isn't an excuse to ignore the now. Today I am sitting and enjoying where I'm at. I'm surrounded by people I love and by people who love me. I started to brainstorm people who I'd like to celebrate my birthday with and the list is HUGE. I love that, and I'm so very grateful. I have time and resources to pursue my dreams. That's a wonderful big picture to be living in. The smaller little details are that I'm sitting here, listening to a Yellowcard playlist, sipping coffee. Today I'm going to continue decorating and organizing my room, and I'll probably do laundry. What an amazingly epic feeling--to love the little details and the big picture.

Be well. Be patient. Be loving. Be kind.

-Megan

Sunny Days

Hello there Reader?  How's your day.

"Sunny Days" makes me think of Sesame Street which I've always disliked.  I have no idea why I disliked it so much, but yeah.  That's my train of thought at the moment.

Okay, let me preface this by saying I accidentally stumbled into playing the two songs Somebody That I Used to Know by Gotye and Call Me Maybe by Carly Rae Jepson at the same time.  Crazy awesome songs to play on top of each other with their opposite moods and meanings.  So that was my little happy discovery of the morning.

The weather yesterday was amazing!  It was way too warm and sunny for a day in March, but I don't even care.  I walked back to my dorm late last night in jeans and a sweatshirt... I love sweatshirt weather where there's enough chill in the air to feel refreshing but not enough to make you shiver.  I love it.  It was epic and nearly impossible to be in a bad mood.

Still, this whole March thing is making me crave green.  I just can't wait to be able to see green again.  I've never really liked St. Patrick's Day at all, but right now I am totally wishing I was Irish. Someone once told me Megan was an Irish name... 5 points to anyone who can verify this for me. I don't really think I'm craving summer at the moment, nah, just content for spring. Plus I really miss the squirrels!  I just need a nice patch of grass, some warm weather, and maybe a nice dock and fishing rod.  OooOOOoo, I wouldn't mind a hammock in a shady spot... *happy sigh*

While yesterday was sunny and warm, today is rainy as all get out.  You should see the puddles! It's still warm, and I'm not even minding the rain as much as I usually would.  It's kind of weird, you know when your internal mood coincides with the external weather?  You know what I'm talking about right?  That's not the case today.  I feel super sunny despite the rain and today it isn't as if my mood and the weather are canceling each other out.  Nah.  It's like my mood is attributing different characteristics to the rain.  I'm actually enjoying it overall.  I wish I could say the same for my hair... it kind of doesn't like that whole moisture thing.

Let's all take one collective breath.  I have a feeling it's going to be a good week,  even if I do have that 8 page psychology paper to crank out...  Oh well.

Be well, be epic.

-Megan

Relaaaaax

Hello Reader!

I got back home last night around 8, riding in style with a very dear friend of mine who was driving a 2011 Malibu.  Talk about luxury!

I'm so glad to be on break, it was definitely needed even though I wasn't under a lot of stress or deadlines towards the end.  Still, simply being in such close proximity to so many people causes stress.  I feel like I can breathe a little bit now.

I was just excited to spend a night in my nice warm bed, but things got a little hairy.  I was restless all night and pretty much thrashed for a few hours before finally getting up, grabbing a container of frosting, and heading downstairs to fall asleep on the couch.  I was definitely stuck in my head and so desperate to get the night over with that I turned on Jersey Shore in an effort to numb my brain.  Jersey Shore for Pete's sake!  Hey, if I have one good thing to say about that show, it makes me feel better about myself.  I knew I would feel better in the morning, but I just had to get there.

I finally fell asleep, woke up, went shopping with my mom, and am now sitting on my bed listening to music and drinking some cranberry apple tea.  I can feel myself getting progressively more stressed simply by being home, which is unfortunate since I'm really quite glad to be here.  It's just full of different stressors to which I haven't be exposed or really needed to adapt to.

It's a bummer, but the good thing is that it will get better eventually.  I think there's this weird paradox in human thought where we think negative things will last forever and positive things are fleeting.  I remember times of feeling so good and then having the thought of "This isn't going to last." How unfortunate to think that I never remember having that thought when things hit the fan.  The truth is that things do and will get better, even because of simple little things like the sunrise, and how wonderfully comforting to know that the sun WILL rise.

So I'm going to continue trying to relax and be calm, and maybe I'll watch a movie that will make me cry (since I feel ridiculously emotional now for no reason whatsoever) and later tonight I'll probably work on penning some things.

Oh but I'm listening to a Ryan Farish playlist at the moment.  He's absolutely wonderful and you must check him out.  His music makes me feel better about humanity.  Have a great evening, and smile!

-Megan