It's Getting Better

Hey Reader, my laptop is currently in St. Paul!  I should have it back on Monday which is super epic in itself.

So let me tell you about this morning.  This morning was gross, dreary, and a little cold.  I wore a jacket to breakfast.  We've had a long string of rainy, cold, gloomy days so I wasn't expecting anything different, but by the time it was my first class, the sun came out and it wasn't so bad--even a little bit warm.  I didn't wear my jacket the rest of the day, and I even made it a point to be outside.  Heck, I looked around and campus is looking GREEN again.  So the bad morning turned into a good day.

Change happens.  Shifts happen.  Unfortunately things shift in both directions, but have faith that they will shift back.  Take time to notice the good changes going on around you.  I am floored by how difficult and how easy life can feel at times.  I can honestly say this has been the most challenging, most stressful year I've ever had.  I can list off 8 or more major events right off the top of my head that have happened this year, less than half of which are positive, but right now, things have smoothed out a little. I finally feel like I'm having more good days than bad days, and I cannot say for certain that they'll last, but I am enjoying them while they're here.  I'm slowly working on changing my patterns and behaviors and even my inner monologue has shifted to a more positive focus.

Life isn't all about you, do you realize this? We are all connected in various networks, webs, and social circles and whenever something changes, everyone's affected in some way. Whenever I ask someone else for help I always feel guilty because I try not to be that person, I always try to be independent because somewhere along the way, I got it into my head that I'm supposed to support people and not the other way around. Still, I am beginning to realize that you cannot help someone else until you find yourself in a good place.  You need stable ground beneath your own feet before you can support someone else and I think I'm getting there. I know I'm getting there.

Life shifts, for better and for worse.  Sometimes it will come naturally, and sometimes you have to bring it about yourself, but it will shift.  My friend, Melissa, gave me a sticker for the Human Rights Campaign earlier in the year which I put it on my laptop, but removed shortly before I sent my computer in for repairs. On a whim, I decided to buy some more from the HRC website in case I couldn't save the one I had.  They came in the mail today, and as I was walking back to my dorm, I was thinking about the campaign and the marriage equality and GSM (Gender and Sexual Minority, a new term I picked up at MBLGTACC) movements.  I realized that even though things can feel difficult and rough on a personal level, progress is still being made.  We have made so much progress in such a short time and it will continue to get better.  My private, religious college even filmed their "It Gets Better" video this week and we're getting some final shots in on Wednesday.  Life is shifting, and life will shift.  It's getting better in a lot of ways and for a lot of different reasons--take the time to look around and notice.  If you feel like it isn't, then do something about it. 

Be well,

-Megan

Give and Take

Hi Reader!  I am so incredibly tired today, and I don't know if it's lack of sleep or if I'm just slightly burned out.  But, it will get better eventually I think.

There's no doubt that college changes you as a person.  It changes aspects of your personality, your philosophy on life, your habits, everything.  It's one of those formative experiences that will hopefully leave you better than when you started.  It's strange though, because while some things seem to get better, others seem to get worse.  I guess it's a paradox, yet balance always seems to be maintained somewhere.

These are some changes I'm noticing in myself since I've started school:

1. I'm worse at sleeping through the night, but I'm better at sleeping in louder, more lit conditions.

2. My public speaking anxiety seems to be worse, but my one on one eye contact is getting better.

3. I'm worse at time management as far as writing papers go, but I'm better at cranking out said papers.

4. I'm worse at coping with things on my own, but I'm better at taking the initiative to figure out how someone else is doing.

5. I'm worse at making big decisions, but I'm better at letting my spontaneous side come through.

6. I'm getting worse at letting myself show negative emotions, but I'm getting better at crying from laughter.

7. I'm getting worse at worrying about my future, but I'm also getting better at enjoying the time I have.

8. I'm getting worse at knowing the right thing to say, but I'm getting better at saying how I feel.

9. Finally, I'm getting worse at resisting the urge to ask strangers if they want a hug, but I'm getting better at hugs!

So, there you go.  College changes you and parts of you shift around a little bit.  I guess I'm just hoping the net benefits of this experience outweigh the costs of it. So far they have been.

Be well, be epic, and notice the changes in yourself--especially the positive ones.

-Megan